


Collide

by Blue_hare



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Age Difference, Alternate Reality, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Different First Meeting, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Time Travel, Dreams, Dreams and Nightmares, Ghosts, Illusions, M/M, Mutual Pining, Non-Explicit Sex, Pining, Slow Burn, Visions, Visions in dreams, Writers, different dimension
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-08
Updated: 2019-01-18
Packaged: 2019-10-06 13:58:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,430
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17346464
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blue_hare/pseuds/Blue_hare
Summary: I somehow findYou and I collideLevi remembered the Walls, the Underground, the Titans. They weren’t just his dreams, his nightmares. They were memories that had floated to the surface when he was most susceptible.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I started another one.

.

.

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He sighed as he finished up his English paper. He removed his glasses and rubbed his eyes. The damn pair of glasses were supposed to help but his eyes still felt the strain. He reached for his cup of tea and grimaced when he realized that the black tea he had was already cold. How long had he been sitting at the same window seat? Hours, if he had to guess. 

Recently time seemed to slip Levis grip. He reasoned that it was because he was approaching graduation. Just one more year and he would be free. Graduate school was not that long and he had yet to decide what it was the he planned to do with a Bachelors in writing. He thought of what his friend Isabelle had said about coming up with one good book and being set for life. 

Truthfully, Levi doubted he would be able to sit still and live off such a quiet life, then again that was highly unlikely. Most of his writing had as of recently been dreary and dark. Macabre even. He had begun to dream strange and odd things that never made sense. In an effort to soothe his insomnia, brought by the persistence of those dreams, he had begun to write as much as he could remember of them down. 

It had helped and so he had continued the routine of waking up gasping, heart beating a mile a minute, and reaching for his laptop or notepad. More often than not it was the notepad. The calligraphy class he signed up for proving useful and if anything he hadn’t wanted to to waste the money he paid for them by not using what he had learned. Unfortunately he'd made a mistake. 

In an uncharacteristic error on his part, brought on by those damn dreams and him having indulged Isabelle and Farlan in joining them for a party, he had imbibed too much alcohol and had woken up with his face squished onto the living room cushion of Farlans apartment. There were arms holding onto him from behind and he had panicked thinking that he had indulged in some other kind of way. Thankfully, he and whomever that was, were both still dressed and covered by a ratty old afgan of Farlans, The one he recognized as having black and white bunny shapes. 

He had (somehow) managed to extricate himself from the tight embrace, found his phone and keys in the (thankfully) empty dorito bowl and had left (runaway).

He hadn’t turned back once to take a look at whoever that was. It was for the best. He didn't need to know anything about some fucking stranger that had decided to use him as a fucking body pillow and cuddled him. He wanted to gag at that. _Never giving in to one of their damn demands_ he thought brushing his teeth for the third time after vomiting in the toilet of his apartment. When he had next seen them and they had teased him about his fucking “snuggle buddy” he had glared at them and threatened them so, that, they had never brought it back up again. 

That party had lead to him being late in getting any proper writing done for his creative writing class and he had resorted to turning in one of his dreams. That was a mistake because his professor had requested a meeting and wouldn't you know it but the old, pretentious, posh-sounding, bespectacled, old guy had liked it. 

“Its quite good,” he said adjusting his glasses.” There are some odd paragraph structures and the overall theme is rather dark and _macabre_ but its very original and interesting. I would suggest exploring some more of it. Perhaps expanding a bit on this walled and underground world of yours.” 

Levi had readied himself for anything but that. He had come to the conclusion that his professor had called him to suggest seeing the university counselor or perhaps a good psychologist. He sure looked like he knew some fancy-ass people. So he was left dumbfounded at the praise his “walled and underground” work had gotten. 

He grudgingly thanked him and said he would look in to it and it was then that the old, rickety, posh, asshole had gotten a paper from his (genuine leather) book bag and handed the paper to him. 

“Its a creative writing competition. I think you might get something out of it. You’re doing well in the class Levi.” He smiled genuine and bright. “This story you've written suits you more than the Old English masters. I hope you consider expanding it a bit more and giving it and yourself a chance. You’d lose nothing by trying. Do consider it and I will see you on Monday then.” 

The old bastard then kicked him out of his office. 

Okay, maybe he didn't. It was more politely and he didn't so much as kick him out but, rather said he had to drive someone to the airport. Levi wasn't paying attention, much to speechless at the feedback he had gotten. 

Thus there Levi was sitting in the same window table, in the same tea shop, on a Saturday afternoon. He rummaged through his (not genuine leather) book bag looking for the entry form. He skimmed the pre-requisites, there was still plenty of time for the contest. The deadline was till next semester. He chewed his lip thinking about the prize. “$1500” shit that sounded pretty darn good, on top of that it would be published in one of his favorite writing magazines and it would even be judged by some of his favorite writers. 

Shit, here he was getting a head of himself. The proff could just be lying or maybe he had weird taste. Both of those sounded unlikely considering the way in which he taught the class. All bright and earnest in that deep old man posh British or English accent of his. God, were the females annoying, half mooning over an old, four-eyed grandpa. Of course Levi would never admit that he'd sort of liked the class more than the rest. 

He let out a breath and opened a new window, finger tips hovering over the keyboard and eyes wondering over the blank on-screen page. His left hands tapped on the table rhythmically. He side eyed the view from the window. The storm cloud from the morning were dissipating and here and there a sun beam broke through the remaining grey clouds. There were more people walking outside, through the town square. He blinked his tired eyes and when he next opened them, he blinked again. 

There was a glimmer. 

A shiny bright something that reflected the sunlight back into Levis eyes. He blinked again and the afterimage played back as he tried to make it disappear. He opened silver blue eyes and this time he was prepared. The bright reflection didn't blind him this time. He scrunched up his face trying to get a good view through the crowd. 

It looked like some sort off silver case, one a musician might use to carry an instrument. Levi had never seen anyone carry anything in something so eye catching though. It was edging toward gaudy and he frowned even further when he saw the odd choice of pants. Tight white, skinny jeans with straps over the top. _What the fuck?_ he thought. _Some sort of bdsm costume? God, were they gonna get dirty,_ he thought. White jeans were not anywhere near his wardrobe and there was absolutely no way he would ever choose a rainy day, of all days, to wear them. Just thinking about the mud made him shudder. 

He tsked and peered up as a clear view of that person was finally visible. 

The silver case he could see was attached to some strange device that spanned their waist. They were wearing a white shirt and brown jacket that Levi was pretty sure was way too short for them. That or it had obviously shrunk (he had not wanted to think of midriff brown jackets). Not to mention is was such a humid day out. Who the fuck wears a jacket when it's the middle of freaking summer? 

“Fucking weirdos.” 

They hadn't moved he noticed. They had remained standing where they were. When Levi next looked to see if he recognized them. He was blinded again. The sun had come out in full and the light caught the brilliant blonde of that person’s hair. 

It hit Levi suddenly, like an ice cold shower. There were goose-pimples all over him and he was blinking away image after image, playing in a dizzying flash after flash. He felt as if he would throw up and his breathing was irregular and rapid. His hands, were shaking, his whole being was shaking. 

“Oh God.” 

Levi darted, scooching so suddenly and abruptly from the table that his chair scrapped loudly on the floor and fell back with a loud clang. He spilled whatever remained of his cold tea onto his laptop. He didn't care. He nearly tripped over his fallen seat but it was like freaking deja vu. He caught himself in a backflip, muscle memory that had just been rediscovered and darted, in a speed that was unlike him, out the doorway. 

He remembered. 

He ran fast towards the town square and he could still see the gleam of the metal; the gas and blade dispensers, the straps. The light was still gleaming off of his head. And he was looking straight ahead where the you could see the city with its bright and shiny windows. Where there was not a wall in sight. 

His heart thudded loudly against his chest. 

“Erwin.” 

He whispered and then he filled his lungs with air. 

“Erwin!” 

The person in the middle turned, lightning quick at the sound of their name being called out. The gestures so familiar and nostalgic for Levi. 

Levi was going blind or crazy because the person turned. Erwin turned and he looked back at Levi and his damn, shiny, blondie, head was gleaming. His breath caught. 

Golden head haloed by the sunlight. 

Levi was blinded and he watched that familiar face, the sharp cheekbones, the sharp nose, those damn bushy brows. He wanted to laugh, he wanted to cry. Erwin was looking at him with some confusion and then...and then the corner of his lips quirked and he smiled and Levi was so sure that he would call out. 

“Levi”. 

He didn't. 

He smiled and he looked so relieved and so fucking happy and _alive_ that Levi couldn’t help the burning behind his eyes. He was about to take a step forward and then he saw that Erwin was looking behind him. His eyes were pinched in confusion again and Levi turned back to look behind him. 

“Hey!” 

The same boy who had handed his tea to him was behind him, in the doorway of the tea shop, calling out to him. 

“You have to take your stuff with you dude and you spilled your drink all over your laptop.” 

“What?” 

The boy was speaking again but Levi wasn’t paying attention he turned back expecting to see Erwin but he was gone. Levi furrowed his brow and looked every which way. He was gone. 

“Erwin!” 

He continued calling out but no one responded back. 

He couldn’t see him. 

He couldn't find him. 

“No...no.” 

“Hey, you okay man?” 

There was a tightness in his throat as he turned back. He ignored the boy and when he entered the tea shop again some of the customers were looking curiously at him. He ignored their stares, picking up his chair and his fallen book bag from the floor. 

“Fuck!” 

“Yeah, dude. That’s what I said. You spilled your tea all over your laptop.” 

The boy handed him a stack of napkins and helped him clean up. He wiped his laptop cursing himself. His fucking laptop! Shit! 

He stuffed the laptop into his book bag, paid and walked out. He headed towards the town square and stopped. He stood in the middle of the town square. The exact same spot that Erwin had stood, silent and still as a marble statue. He looked toward the same direction that Erwin had faced and he could see the buildings but those weren’t really what Levi had imagined had caught Erwins keen blue eyes. There was a digital message board replaying announcements over and over and then he saw it. What had most likely caught Erwin’s eyes. 

The date flashing. 

January 7, 2019. Sunny, 28 degrees, Scattered Showers. 

Levi inhaled sharply the confusion that he had seen on his face made sense now. 

He remembered. 

Levi remembered the Walls, the Underground, the Titans. They weren’t just his dreams, his nightmares. They were memories that had floated to the surface when he was most susceptible. 

Memories of another life, perhaps another time, a different dimension. 

He closed his eyes to the glare of the sun. It was so damn humid and yet a chill had settled deep in his heart. He saw the golden halo of Erwin’s blonde head and the confusion as he had turned to look at him, the relieved smile but still the confusion persisted. Had he simply been thinking that this was all a strange dream? No. 

Levi concentrated picturing Erwin again. He looked young, unmarred by the passage of time, still light and free from the burden of “Commander,” the deaths of comrades, and the hate and spite of the people. That was it. He was _young._ Younger than Levi had ever known him. The curious and wonder in his eyes displayed for anyone to see, to admire, to envy. 

Levi had never seen him this way and maybe that was the reason why he felt as if he'd been robbed of his chance. The Gods dangled a young, unpolished, infinitely pure Erwin in front of him and then they made him remember everything. All his battles, his fights, deaths, failures, victories, regrets…

Erwin, pale and bleeding on the roof. 

He clenched his fists, and snarled. 

“Fuck you!” 

He remembered. 

He had met them all, at some point of his life. There was Isabelle and Farlan in his life and so many others that he talked or seen or just passed by; some older, some younger. His mom was alive. His dad was _alive_ and he _knew_ him. 

“Fuck you!” 

Not once did Levi Ackerman recall golden hair, crowned in light. 

Nor once had he glimpsed intense blue eyes. 

Not once. 

He had never met Erwin Smith. 

Not in his 22 years. 

"FUCK YOU!" 

.

.

.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So I look in your direction  
> But you pay me no attention
> 
> Shiver~coldplay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another Update.

. 

. 

. 

_“How are you feeling?”_

_“Like I got thrown off a horse and banged my head on the fence.”_

. 

. 

. 

Levi lay panting on the living room floor of his apartment. He laughed through his heavy breathing. This was ridiculous! He turned his head to the side so that his cheek was pressed to the cool hardwood floor. 

He had run off. 

As it turns out, yelling obscenities at fucking fate or destiny or whatever, in the middle of the town square, was a sure fire way to get chased by the patrolling policeman. Of course, with his new found speed and sudden knack for parkour, the policeman had had no chance of catching up to him. 

He ran his hand through his hair. It came off wet with sweat. He looked at his hand and spread his fingers out. It was small and pale; too thin and bony at the knuckles, at the wrist. He flexed it and watched the corded tendons and skin pull taut. He turned it over. The palm a peachy pink, he traced the lines (life, love, money). The skin on his wrist so thin, nearly translucent, the veins cerulean and purple. 

There were no faint lines from scars healed one a top the other. No gnarled fingers from constant breaks and sets. No calluses and hardened skin from gripping twin blades. There was only the one callus from gripping pens and pencils. From writing. He watched the pulse of his heartbeat beneath pale skin. 

This was his hand. 

_This was real._

He told himself, shielding his eyes from the glare of the sun. The curtains were wide open. The sun was shining brightly outside. The storm had moved on. It would be a beautiful day today. 

It made Levi angry. 

He got up and closed the curtains aggressively. He looked down at his trembling hands again. He didn’t want to see the damn sun and the stupid people. That stupid, beautiful world just beyond the window. His breath hitched in a _mournful_ gasp and for a moment he was afraid he would start to cry. He didn't. 

He didn't think it was fair. Not from him. Not now. 

There was nothing to cry about. 

_His life was perfect._

He had everything the other him had ever wished for, that he had ever longed for. The things that _he_ had stared enviously at when _he_ was child living in the squalor of the Underground. The things that _he_ had stared at walking the streets above ground. Confined, with the blood and guilt and the (not)regret. 

This life was a dream. That _selfish_ wish, come true. 

What did it matter that _he_ wasn’t here? 

Levi clenched his hands and inhaled deeply as he turned his face to the ceiling. He dug through his jean pocket pulling out an extra band to tie his hair up with then he did what he always did best. What served him and _he_ best.

He commenced to clean. 

He tried to forget everything that had happened. Those nightmares must have messed with head and the heat. Definitely the heat and humidity. He had suffered a heatstroke and the dehydration had made him see things that weren’t there he rationalized. He couldn’t help it though. 

His mind started wondering. 

Analyzing everything up until now. The dreams, when had they started? Three months ago. He abandoned the task of scrubbing the stove and began looking through his journals for the exact date. Each time he came across something that had been vague or blurry in his dreams, his mind supplied him with the memory. Maybe this was a punishment for having pulled his moms dress and her flashing the neighbor with her boobs or when his dad caught him, in his car, with a lit joint and his then boyfriends hand down his pants? 

“Son of a bitch!” he exclaimed dropping the journal, covering his face with both hands. 

_That_ boyfriend had been Eld Jinn. 

“Aaaarrrggghhhhh!!!” 

Levi got up and looked through his bag for his phone and stopped...What exactly did he plan to do? Nothing, it was done. They, had both, been horny and consenting teens. There was nothing to regret. 

He went back to cleaning, ignoring the mess of journals on his bedroom floor. 

That's what he would do. 

He would ignore everything. This was his life now. There was no reason to think about the regrets of another life. A life, that had been harsh and cruel and had left him alone in the end. Left him with nothing but memories that now haunted this one. 

Yes, it’s better to continue _living_ this life. 

“Just forget and ignore.” 

He called his mom and dad after cleaning everything (once, twice). They talked a long time. His mother and father always happy to hear from their beloved son. They had just gotten a puppy. A cute looking thing with big (blue) eyes. "A bluenose" they said. They had not picked out a name yet. He told them that he would come and visit them next weekend and his mother said she would make his favorite meal for dinner. His dad wanted to go see a new exhibit at the museum. Levi said he would come with him. 

He hanged up and texted Farlan and Isabelle that he wanted to see them. He took a shower and left ignoring the still uncleaned mess of paper and journals. 

At the bar, Isabelle rushed to his side, inquiring if he had forgiven them for the party incident. He surprised her by embracing her tightly and said that he did. That he never meant to make a big deal out if it. He gave Farlan a smile and together the trio sat down and bitched and moaned about classes, overdue papers, bad professors, and not enough sleep. Near the end, Isabelle left to meet a friend outside. Levi watched from the window. Her red hair was long and blowing in the wind, she smiled widely when the guy approached her. They left together, hand in hand. 

“His name is Sairam.” Farlan said, finishing his drink. 

“Yeah, I know.” 

Levi ignored Farlans surprised look and instead asked him how his Regression Analysis class was going. Anything math, would keep Farlan from asking Levi questions. Question, to which, he couldn’t really provide any answers. Not when it seemed that he was the only who _remembered._

He was thankful for that at least. He didn’t want them remembering that harsh life Underground. Least of all, _that day_ outside the walls, with the rain and the fog. No! It was better that they never remember anything about _that other life._

When Levi came back to his apartment it was late. He maneuvered his way to his bed and nearly slipped on the papers covering the floor. When he remembered what they were he shoved and kicked them underneath the bed. He threw himself on top. 

He was exhausted. There was a heaviness around him. In him. He wasn’t sure what it mean. If there was any meaning, to _him_ knowing, remembering. He sighed and closed his eyes. 

No one but he remembered. 

“Forget and ignore.” 

Levi fell into a deep sleep. 

He dreamed of blonde hair haloed in light. 

On Sunday he woke up, fatigued, and with sore muscles. Despite the skills he may have acquired, his body was not conditioned for it. He brushed his teeth twice because he didn't the night before. He stood in front of the mirror longer than he realized. Then Levi jumped in the shower and let the cold water beat on his skin. He went back to the living room, grabbed his book-bag and headed to the kitchen. He looked over his saved English paper (his laptop had survived the tea). He submitted the final draft and then he had groceries to shop for.

The day was humid. His shirt sticking to his sweaty back instantly. The farmers market wasn't that crowded yet. There were just a few early risers, the ones looking to avoid the crowds and intense sun later on. He was browsing through the fruit the vendors had set out, eyes sharp and dismissing any fruit with bruised skin. The air smelled sweet from the overripe fruit, and the flowers. The smell of freshly baked bread and newly brewed espresso made Levi's mouth water. The flies were buzzing and the soft gale did little to cool him down. The man with the funny mustache was weighing the pomegranates he had picked out on his old, rickety scale, when he saw it from the corner of his eye. 

_The glimmer._

There he was again. 

In full uniform and with the gear on, just as before. He was wandering through the stall displaying flowers and plants. Levi watched, unblinkingly, as Erwin looked at a vine of bougainvillea flowers. The sight of him smiling curiously at the bright blooms made his heart ache. He didn't notice when he had taken a step towards the stall. Toward Erwin. 

Again, he was brought back from the thrall of golden hair and twinkling blues(and his smile, my god!), when the vendor called out. He turned around and the man handed him the pomegranates. He snatched them and looked back to Erwin, immediately. _He was still there._

Erwin had not vanished as he had done before. 

Levi made his was to the blooming stall. A bee buzzed by his ear, attracted by the vibrant colours of the flowers, their _brightness_. He thought himself a bee, for he, was drawn, just as _he_ had always been, _to him._ Beckoned by something _he_ had never understood. Not entirely. Not until the end. No until _now._

Levi stopped abruptly and just... _looked._

Simply looked. 

Erwin had picked up a sunflower, large and so very yellow, and was caressing the center with the pad of his thumb. Bringing it closer to vivid blue eyes. The ache in Levis heart _throbbed_ and then Levi turned around and walked away. 

“Ignore and forget.” 

He walked faster _pretending_ he had not heard the aged voice of the elderly lady (her hair so shockingly white amongst the colours) ask him if he liked sunflowers. _Ignored_ that Erwin had answered with a _surprised_ and deep (familiar) voice “Yes, they are my favorite.” 

“Ignore and forget.” 

Levi told himself as he saw him on his way to classes on Monday, by the fountain on Wednesday (talking animatedly with a young girl with bright red hair), and walking (without the gear) with a young woman, with colourful ribbon running through her dark braided hair, on Thursday. The ache on Thursday _throbbed_ again. On Friday, Levi hid himself as that same little girl (from Wednesday) spotted him, as she waved at Erwin, over her mother's shoulder. He stayed hidden for a long time afraid that Erwin would still be there. That he would make his way over and find Levi. 

He didn’t. 

Levi told himself he wasn't disappointed. That Erwin wouldn’t even know who he was. That they had not met in that other world yet. He would not know Levi at all. 

_“Ignore and forget.”_

Levi continued his mantra. He went to class, finished his assignments, and he _didn't_ see that young Erwin anymore (keep on pretending). He went to his parents house during the weekend, just as he had promised. He played with the puppy (Mavi, his mom named him) and accompanied his father to the museum. It was exhibit on planes, on flight. The next week passed and not once did he see that glimmer. He wasn’t disappointed. It had worked. 

He no longer saw Erwin Smith. 

(keep on pretending) 

He walked down the familiar path along the pond, on Sunday. Pretending that he wasn't looking for the glimmer. For the shine of blonde hair. He had ignored it, he had forgotten... _He_ had disappeared. 

(keep on pretending) 

_The ache continued to throb._

Its entirely why, he nearly had a heart attack when a hand grasped him by the shoulder and in a familiar voice said. 

“Excuse me.” 

And Levi, who had made a promise to “ignore and forget,” turned around immediately. His heart was beating and he thought to himself, that of course it was _him_ who had _found him first._

It had been the same before. It was the same now. 

Erwin Smith _always_ found Levi first. 

He was smiling at Levi, bright and _childish._ Like a damn snot-nosed brat! This close, he was _dazzling_ and Levi was blinded and also extremely upset that despite his height increasing (compared to then), Erwin was still taller! The audacity of the snot-nosed brat!

“Levi, you okay?” 

Levi was frozen, unable to fully comprehend what he was saying, what he was(had) seen. 

It was Farlan. 

He was just seeing things. 

The ache pulsed. 

Farlan was looking at him with a worried look. Levi schooled himself and said that he was fine. That he was just thinking about his Creative Writing class, and that Farlan had startled him. That’s it, that was all. 

Farlan looked unconvinced but let it go. He ended up handing Levi a fountain pen. The one he was sure was in his pocket. It wasn't when he checked. 

“You must have dropped it.” Farlan said as Levi reached for it. “The boy over there,” he pointed behind him. “Saw you and picked it up. You’ve been really absent minded recently.” 

But Levi wasn’t listening. 

He had looked back, where Farlan had pointed, and there _he_ was and. _He was looking right at Levi!_

He looked at him shyly, curiously. Something that the older Erwin had seldom done. That Erwin had been all confidence and secretive smiles.

“Can you see him?” Levi blurted out. Farlan looked confused as he turned around as well. 

“Oh, yeah. It’s him the guy with the strange costume. Why? Did you wanna thank him or something?” 

Farlan could _see him._ It made Levi sick and dizzy.The _other_ remembered Farlan waving goodbye and it had been Erwin's fault and _his_. There was a moment, the flash of a vengeful impulse, where he wanted to take that fountain pen and stab _this_ Erwin right along the neck. So that he would bleed, so that he would die, so that _that Levi_ would never watch as Farlan waved "Goodbye." 

“ No.” Levi said at last, ignoring Erwin still staring at him with a curious look. It was one that the other Levi had jokingly said meant nothing but trouble for the rest of them. 

He glared at Erwin and he walked away with Farlan. 

The ache was numb. 

Two weeks went by and Levi really didn’t see Erwin Smith again. Everything had returned to normal and Levi was getting on with his life. He was convinced that the whole thing was just some cosmic something...but really he had not wanted to think about it too much. He would simply ignore it and forget.

He was walking along the pond again when he saw the girl, making her way towards him. She was wearing a bright dress, (violet with colorful flowers embroidered on the hem) and her hair was braided into an intricate up-do. There were ribbons and yellow roses adorning it. The smell, in the heat, heady as she passed smiling by Levi. He paused, listening to the sound of her footsteps as she walked away. 

He was suddenly anxious.

She, had been the one he saw with Erwin before. Maybe...Erwin was back? 

The possibility, Levi dreaded. Levi did not...

Levi squared his shoulders and continued on his way. He told himself that he had not gone past the gazebo (his destination) hoping to come across the blonde. That all along, he had wanted to take a walk in the woods. He was nearly at the entrance to the woods when he saw Erwin…

He was staring morosely at the pond. There was something...familiar about his posture, about the atmosphere surrounding him. Levi peered closer. 

He looked _dim_.

He wasn’t nearly as blinding as Levi remembered. It was as if was...sad. No, weighed down by guilt, by regret. 

Oh. That was it. Levi remembered. 

_He_ had seen countless of Scouts this way. It always happened after their first expedition. The reality and horror of that other world always left the green ones solemn and dimmed their existence. It made _that_ Erwin ghostly. It was this, that made Levi walk over and stand next to him. 

Erwin just looked _so lonely._

“Did you go outside the walls?” 

“Yes.” Erwin confirmed, unsurprised that Levi knew or that he was standing next to him. 

They were both quiet and then Levi surprised himself by ordering Erwin to follow him. He did. There was a voice (perhaps the _other_ Levi) inside of him wondering if young Erwin had been this trusting and willing to follow a complete stranger? When Erwin continued to trail behind him (like a puppy) Levi ordered him to walk beside him. It was too strange to not have Erwin walk, step in step, with him. Never mind that _this_ Erwin was Levi's junior. He wondered how old he was? 15 possibly, that was the age at which most cadets graduated, afterall. 

A seven year age difference. 

Levi wondered what it would have been like to have met Erwin at that age. A pain in the ass just the same he concluded. They passed the town square and the mom and her little ginger haired girl. She waved at Erwin as soon as she saw him. Erwin waved back and smiled. A smile so terribly fake that the little girl frowned and ran up to him and promptly asked. 

“Whats wrong, Erwin? Why are you sad?” 

Erwin kneeled to her eye level and told her that he just missed her. The little girl beamed and threw her arms around him. Levi watched transfixed as Erwin smiled (his eyes not quite as haunted) as he held her back just as tightly. The little girl whispered back that she missed Erwin too. She plucked a cornflower from one of the many potted plants surrounding the town square and gave it to Erwin. 

“So you won’t miss me." 

Erwin carried the flower between his hand gently all the way to Levi's apartment. 

As he opened the door, Levi, thought that perhaps Erwin might be apprehensive about entering his home. He should have realized how much his curiosity often overcame his survival instinct. The other Levi, would curse at the near death experiences, he often witnessed the older Erwin escape. 

Now that Erwin was inside, Levi was struck dumb. He hadn’t considered what he would say or do to this ghostly apparition. At the time it seemed as though the other him had taken over or maybe _his_ memories had influenced him. He saw Erwin upset and _he_ had immediately thought. 

“Tea. Chamomile tea.” 

It had always done the trick in that other life. Sometimes, _their_ meals, after returning from expeditions, were just tea (chamomile for Erwin and black for Levi). The act of eating too much to do and to think about, when so many had been devoured by the titans. 

So Levi put on the kettle and waited and observed _his_ ghost. Said ghost, was currently going through his bookshelf. Looking at the books and tracing their titles on the spines. Another "something" that Levi was familiar with. Today, Erwin didn't have his full uniform on, just an undershirt and the pants. He looked very bright amongst Levi’s neutral home. He was watching Erwin sliding out a book when the kettle whistled. Levi turned around and prepared the tea. 

A cup for himself, plain. 

Another for Erwin with a generous amount of honey. Just the way _he_ liked it. 

“What is it?” he asked as Levi turned around and handed him the cup. 

Their hands brushed and Levi felt a jolt run straight through him. He nearly dropped his own mug as he answered acerbically because he was suddenly very aware of how close Erwin was. 

“Its tea! Chamomile. Does your over-sized snout not work or is it filled with disgusting snot?!” 

Erwin looked back at him as if had just spoken in a foreign language before he let out small smile, the corner of his lip twitching. Levi felt heat at the ends of his ears, his nape, beneath his long hair. 

“Oh.” and he made a big point of taking a big sniff, practically a snort, before raising the cup to his mouth. 

Levi watched mesmerized. 

There was a flash of panic that he wouldn’t like it. A feeling so familiar to him that, he held his breath, as Erwin blew on the rising steam and then carefully took a sip. Levi watched as blue eyes widened (the honey!) and then he snorted as Erwin took a gulp. He coughed, for he had forgotten to blow. He looked at Levi.

“It’s good. Sweet.” 

Levi rolled his eyes, pretending he hadn't held his breath, finally taking a drink of his own cup. 

Erwin did the same, taking Levi’s order of “Blow, idiot” beforehand. 

Levi watched him because _it had worked!_

Erwin looked brighter, happier, not quite as dim and weighed down by guilt. 

He was raising the overly-sweet tea to drink again and then…he glimmered.

Erwin _flickered_ around the edges. The way a candle does when the wind blows on its lit wick. The flickering stopped for a second and then it commenced again and Levi eyes were wide. Erwin didn't seem to notice or _feel_ anything and then he vanished…disappeared as if he had never been there at all. 

Like a ghost. 

The cup seemed to be floating. Held up, at a height above Levi’s head, by something that wasn’t there. It bobbed awkwardly in the air and Levi watched horrified as it fell to the floor and shatter. Gravity at last getting a hold of it. 

Levi felt a chill and then the scalding heat of his own tea, as it fell onto his chest. 

It chilled him to the bone and he cursed as he cleaned up but even so he felt unsettled. 

“So he was a ghost.” 

For even a month later he could still smell the overly-sweet chamomile tea. 

Levi didn't see Erwin Smith, the ghost. He dreamed every single night, until, he didn't, at the end of that month. 

. 

. 

. 

_“Erwin what are you doing?”_

_Erwin woke up, the pain in his head pounding. One of his hands was raised up to his lips, in a hold. He sloppily turned the gesture into a reach, to scratch at the bandages around his head._

_“Nothing. I just...suddenly had the craving for tea. Chamomile. With honey. Lots of it.” he answered getting up from his assigned bed. Mike inquired whether Erwin had dreamed about the girl with the smile similar to Marie's. Erwin frowned at him and said he did not. He looked at Mike intently._

_“Mike, can you really smell them?” he asked as he slipped on his shoes. “The titans. I heard you tell the Squad leader.”_

_Mike was looking at him searchingly before nodding, reluctantly._

_“It’s not like any of them believe me.” he replied bitterly, as Erwin got up and headed to the door._

_“I do.” Erwin replied looking back. “What else can you smell with that “over-sized" nose?” Erwin teased as Mike harrumphed after him._

_“I can smell you.”_

_“Me?”_

_“Yes. You,“ he stepped close to his friends neck and sniffed. “You smell like tea.”_

_“Chamomile tea?”_

_“With lots of honey.” Mike added. He frowned, remembering that before Erwin didn't smell like anything at all but now...he did. Chamomile tea with lots of honey and...something else. He followed Erwin outside (the sun was dissapearing over the wall) and breathed. It smelled like autumn, it felt like autumn._

_It would be Erwin’s birthday soon._

. 

. 

. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Its canon that Levi and Erwin always have meals together after expeditions (in one of the SNK drama Cd's Mikasa says this). And from the character smart-passes, Mike wasn't believed when he said he could smell titans. I don't know when that changed but for the sake of this story lets say it was after he met Erwin. Its probably true anyway lol. He also said that Erwin doesn't smell like anything (this has always intrigued me). Also apparently Erwin grew up in a small town where horses weren't used often and so he only ever saw them when they were used to pull carriages. Its why he had a hard time learning to ride a horse when he became a cadet. I kinda implied it when he fell from one in the very beginning. Do you guys remember Sairam? Cuz I think he looked cute with Isabelle in ACWNR. Chamomile and cornflowers grow wild in Germany hint hint* also I know nothing about German towns/villages. Let me know if you know of place that I can use as a location.

**Author's Note:**

> This is probably a bad idea...cuz I haven't updated the other one. The story wouldn't leave me alone though. Plus its my way of apologizing for not updating Acknowledgements. I lost my USB flash drive though (I was so mad at myself for that) and have only just recently begun rewriting chapter 5. Ill update soon though! Till then please read this one. Let me know what you think of this one. Thank you for understanding and reading!


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